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Let’s Talk About You, Let’s Talk About Us
When I was thinking about a title for this Woo For Thought essay, I just could not figure one out that would reflect exactly the thoughts I wanted us to look at.
What I came up with after going back and forth a few times, was, “Talk About You, Let’s Talk About Us”, which is a bit clickbaity but accurate.
In this essay, I am going to look at one of the main debilitating conditionings individuals carry, the obsession with the “I, Me and Myself”, and how to overcome it in order to become a powerful sovereign. We do this when we learn to step into the “We, Us and Ourselves” every now and then. Not all the time, just every now and then is enough to create a massive change in our lives.
For those of you who are familiar with my work, you may remember me talking about the “I, Me and Myself” many times before. I want to bring it back to the forefront of our awareness because, well, it’s time.
The dark side of the light/dark paradigm is really amping up their methods to lower the state of awareness and light on Earth. A lot of their methods are based on the illusion of separation we grew up with and were taught since we were born. The illusion that makes us self-serving and self-obsessed. The one that makes us constantly think about yourself, what others might think about us, and what we can get from others or the Universe, or whatever. Two generations have also been brought up with a massive energy of entitlement and instant gratification, combined with practically unlimited amounts of external stimulation on tap 24/7.
Historically, we can find many doctrines that attempt to deal with this debilitating condition, which is commonly known as The Ego. Yup, The Ego with capital letters. Most of those doctrines attack the ego and try to erase it. They try to delete the “I, Me and Myself” completely in order to fix the problem and believe that eliminating the ego is the only thing that will allow the person to evolve into enlightenment.
Let’s take a look at the definition of Ego: Ego is the Latin word for “I”. Therefore, those individuals who think that they need to delete the Ego, believe they need to eliminate their individuality, their personality and their singularity.
The Borg, anyone? In the popular series, Star Trek, there is a cyborg collective who assimilate species by erasing their singularities and turning them into drones who are in service to a Queen.
It doesn’t sound very good for our individuality to be erased. It actually feels very wrong. Being singular expressions of consciousness is part of who and what we are.
When a person learns doctrines that teach them to eliminate the Ego, he or she will conclude that what they need to do, in order to free themselves from the shackles of egoic enslavement, is to completely remove the “I, Me and Myself” construct from their lives - permanently. Looking at it from the perspective of erasing the ego like The Borg do, it doesn’t seem like a good plan for us, does it? No one wants to become a selfless drone that answers to external stimulation and orders.
Which means that going into a complete denial of the self and self-interest, is also very damaging.
So we get two extremes. One is a complete and exaggerated importance of the self, a type of conceited sense of self. And the other is complete destruction, attack and removal of the sense of self and of individuality.
An unhealthy ego, a conceited ego, is very much marketed and taught in modern society in support of consumerism and the control of the masses. The ultimate “divide them and conquer them”. Most people become self-absorbed and conceited. Most are separate from others to such degrees as to make them completely debilitated in their construction of reality. They are also constantly seeking external stimulation and approval of the self. This society is designed to be all about the “I, Me and Myself”.
And when a person is thus trapped in their self-absorption, unhappy and separate from reality, they are ripe for harvesting by those who want to control them and use their energy for their own ends. They are ripe for the “victim/aggressor” and “power over others” paradigm.
Light Beings are most easily entrapped by something called “service to others”. The logic goes, “service to self (conceit) is bad and disabling. Let me concentrate on giving to others instead, that will fix it. It will help me evolve.”
“Service to others” is a state of enslavement as strong as “service to self”. A person often goes from the “I, Me and Myself” straight to the “They, Them and Themselves.” Whatever is good for others, they think, is better than whatever is in their personal interest. And of course, many organizations, religions and people will take full advantage of this belief system and propagate it to have people give themselves and all their energy and property, completely over to another or others. Enter “martyrdom”, stage left.
Martyrdom is an extreme form of Savior and a big feeder of the “power over others” paradigm.
Martyrdom is when a person allows themselves to suffer in order to stop others from suffering. Martyrs will go hungry as they give their food to others, They will make supernatural efforts that leave them depleted and exhausted, to give others a comfortable life. Often, these martyrs will let others know about it too, “after all I have done for you…”
Both the “I, Me and Myself” and the “They, Them and Themselves” are based on the illusion of separation which is needed in order to have a light/dark experience. Without all the programming, internalization of that programming, the constant methods and agendas on a world scale to perpetuate self-absorption, fear and stress, it would be impossible to have darkness on earth. It would be impossible to have wars, enslavement, greed, torture, abuse, etc..
A COMMON STATE OF BEING
Recently I was taking some photographs at a wedding, and one of the guests went into a total panic because she didn’t want to be photographed. She kept saying, “I don’t want to, I look terrible in photos, and I go all red, I am too shy… etc.” However, the bride had requested photos of all her ladies. So, how to quickly and effortlessly get her out of her egoic spin?
“Look at your friend here (who was in front of her), and think how beautiful she looks right now and how much you love her.” I said. Her friend smiled and looked back at her, clearly thinking how beautiful the guest was, also. This guest’s face softened, smiled and, well, became beautiful.
I was able to take some super pretty photos of her.
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So, what happened? She went from the self-conscious egoistic and diminishing energy of the “I, Me and Myself”, to a broader and expanded awareness of connecting and loving her friend. Admiring and loving her friend and her friend admiring and loving her back created a connection between them, a link of love that surpassed and overtook the inner dialogue of “Me.” It created a “We”.
IT IS THAT SIMPLE
It really is that simple.
This example shows us how disabling being stuck in the “I, Me and Myself” can be, and how expansive and abling being in the “Us, We and Ourselves” can be.
Let me tell you another story, this is about my awareness of the world before a kind man taught me how to silence the thoughts of others.
From the age of nothing, to my mid teens, I was able to hear the inner dialogue of others. I was able to hear not just one person in the room, but everyone in the room - at the same time.
As a young kid it wasn’t so bad as most people didn’t notice me in the room and their thoughts just rumbled along undisturbed. As a teen, and as I started maturing into a young woman, the thoughts became more impinging, more imposing and often directed at me, begging for my attention.
Imagine five people walking into a room and not noticing you are there as they talk to themselves. And I mean, “talk to themselves”, not “talk to each other”.
Not so bad, just a bunch of random rumblings about how they feel about themselves, and constantly wondering what the others think about them.
Now, imagine the same five people walk into a room, see you there, walk right up to you, their faces fighting to be the closest to your face, so close to you that you can feel the heat of their skin, their breath on your face and the details of their sweat and pores, and loud voices trying to get your attention.
That is how it felt.
Like I said, a kind man taught me how to silence others’ thoughts. He had the same ability and had learned a method to turn the volume down. It was a super simple method too, all you had to do is to imagine a volume knob, like on an old fashioned radio, and then turn it down. Boom, silence.
Well, not quite silent but very quiet indeed.
Anyway, I am rambling. Going back to topic, what I learned, having heard other people’s thoughts for about 17 years, was that most people, not all but definitely most, were on a 24/7 monologue about themselves, what they wanted, what they desired, what they didn’t have, and mostly wondering what others thought about them.
I used to find it quite funny that they would wonder constantly what others were thinking about them, because others rarely thought about them at all, except in wondering what they thought about them too. Rarely one would find a person who genuinely thought about another person in the way that person wanted to be thought about. Or in fact, thought about another person in any way at all.
Even more rare was the person who didn’t think about themselves or about others, but was so connected that there was no “them” or ‘me” to think about. Instead, their thoughts were about the world, the Universe, about the community which they were a part of, and sometimes there were no thoughts at all, just experience of the moment. An experience that was huge, all encompassing. So huge that they were invisible within it, because they were it.
I met one person like that.
It was hard to find him in the room if I looked for an individual. However, when I searched for a point of “joy”, I found him immediately.
The guy was a Machi, fresh off the boat, who had gone to England on a trip to observe.
He stayed with the Chilean community in the Midlands, and went to a few get-togethers and events.
I remember going into a room filled with people, this was after I learned to take the thought volume down, and felt an awareness in my field who was quiet. I scanned the room and saw him sitting in the back, he looked happy, smiling at the person talking to him and listening to the translator very intently.
Getting closer to hear what he was talking about, I laughed out loud. He wasn’t talking at all. I laughed because he just sat there, with his translator, listening to the person in front of him talking about themselves.
He was lovely to be around, but the energy from the other people around him was so needy, projecting of authority and wanting to be seen, that I soon got bored and left. I am sure he had a lot of wisdom to impart, but he later told me he was there solely to observe. As I often do, I took his words literally, and never thought about asking him why he was there to observe. It didn’t seem to matter.
Apart from this one guy, I have not met a person who is not completely about themselves, their own issues, their own problems, their life, their love life, their financial life, their health, their kids, their grandkids, and what others think about them.
Now, as you read this, if you feel judged or defensive, or have thoughts of “I better not go near Inelia”, or “oh no, she’s talking about me,” then you can do something about it.
There is a point of change.
You see, the self absorbed nature in which a lot of lightworkers are stuck in, does not need to be completely deleted for the benefit of others. It needs to evolve to include their fellows and the environment. The Self needs to remove the illusion of separation. It can be connected and stay a healthy Self. Why does it need to do that? Because alone you are disabled and vulnerable to dark games. United you are more aware, more able, less vulnerable.
Expanded into the “We, Ourselves and Us,” you become connected, linked, aware and inspired with others of your same frequency, you become powerful and immune to dark games. Your sense of self and singularity stops being diminished by conceit, it instead becomes nurtured in a healthy way, strong and powerful. Your uniqueness becomes a strength and expands the awareness of others, just like others’ uniqueness expands yours.
Just like the guest at the wedding who suddenly stopped being self obsessed and instead connected at a heart level with her friend, becoming beautiful and immune to egoic trappings, so can you become larger, more able and aware by becoming one with others, Gaia and the environment.
Some of the exercises I use for whamming us out of the “I, Me and Myself” is, for a week at least, not to use the words “I, Me and Myself” in any type of communication you may have with yourself or others. And that includes other ways to talk about yourself too. So, no using “[your name] wants to go to the beach.” For example, as in, talking about yourself in the third person, or using a word such as “one”, “One wants to go to the beach.” You can, instead, say, “shall we go to the beach?” or if you are by yourself, just go to the beach and enjoy “being one with the beach” rather than think how good the beach is for you or how much you are enjoying the beach, or not even be at the beach because you are busy taking photos of the beach to send to your friends so they can see what a great photographer you are or what a great place you are in.
Instead, be the sand or pebbles, be the water, be the sounds, be the air, be the sun or clouds, be the other people there, be your dog (who you took for a walk), Be your body, your thoughts, be your smile at the same time.
Break the distance between it, the beach, and you looking at and enjoying the beach.
Some time ago I listened to an interview with a guy who was explaining his experience of becoming one with a sunset. I think it was part of a popular documentary at the time but cannot recall the documentary name or the guy who shared his experience.
He talked about how one moment in life had changed him forever. This moment in time had allowed him to change so much that he had then gone on to become happy, successful, and inspiring and inspired.
I don’t recall the exact details on how he came to watch the sunset. I think he made a habit of going to watch the sunset over the ocean where he lived. But one time, as he sat there, on his own, watching the sun go down, his mental noise as busy as ever, he noticed the beauty of the colors around the sun. This was not different, the beauty of the sunset was the reason he liked to watch it. This time, however, he suddenly found himself being those colors. He was not just the colors, but he was also the sun, the ocean, the rocks he was sitting on, the plants and trees around him, the air he breathed… in fact he was everything, all at once. He was the entirety of his environment.
He doesn’t know how long this lasted, but eventually he was himself again and was able to talk about it.
He was never the same again. That moment changed him and his life forever.
It escapes me what his life was like before that, or what he did afterward, but whatever happened afterward was impressive enough to earn him a few minutes in a major documentary.
I love journey stories of enlightenment and growth. Most of the books Larry and I read are about people’s journeys into their larger selves.
Some of the books we read tell stories about NDEs, Near Death Experiences. Many times, we have heard how a person died and became Oneness, all that there is, and then either chose to, or were told to, come back to life and share their experience with everyone on Earth.
Often, as they try to tell their story, they struggle to speak in the first person as they are not fully themselves yet. Some of them start their book, it’s often a book they have to write, in the third person, and finish their book in the first person.
Often, in their journey, they see the reason why they had chosen a “first person” story in the first place. Often, they came back into singular awareness kicking and screaming.
These are interesting stories and once you are open to them they can come to you fast and furious.
Ultimately it is about learning the difference. Learning why we are having a singular experience, and what it means to have that singular experience in a co-created reality.
When you learn to become more than just YOU, and also become a WE, (also, not only a we, but also a we), you are able to comprehend your true nature, the nature of reality and the power you have to create a natural environment around you.
It doesn’t have to happen all at once, like those people who have NDEs, or through any type of religious or traumatic experience at all. It can happen by choice, you can reprogram yourself slowly and steadily, doing a bit of the exercise every day. You can start with an hour of no “I, Me and Myself”, and work yourself to a full day, then a full week. By breaking the habit in this way, you can then return to a healthy balance of “I, Me and Myself” and “We, Us and Ourselves”.
WHY I AM WRITING ABOUT IT AGAIN
Our world is splitting into those who want to stay in a “power over others” reality, and those who don’t.
In order for us to co-create a reality where power over others cannot exist, we have to take back power over ourselves first.
One of our biggest debilitating programs is the egoic obsession taught to us from birth, the program that separates us from our environment, our family, our community and our world. The illusion of separation.
It’s insidious because we are not actually separate from those fields of awareness, we are by all purposes still our environment, our family, our community and our world. Only we don’t know it, and are not consciously feeding them with the energies of experiences that we prefer to see on Earth. Instead we are activated and triggered in energies that feed low-frequency things so that they persist.
We chose that level of amnesia. We chose to co-create a “power over others'' environment. It cannot happen unless at some level of awareness we have decided to forget who and what we are and allow the external programs of separation to define us. Many light beings came in not even knowing what “power over others” was, and as we fell into the amnesia needed to become power-less, we were open to being programmed into it.
Now, because you are still reading this, it is time for you to deprogram your powerlessness and return yourself to an expanded and high-frequency state of existence. It is time for you to be your true self.
For that to happen, the illusion of separation has to dissolve.
Again, this does NOT mean you stop being yourself, or stop being a singular person. It means that that singular person can also be his or her environment, family, community and world - when they choose to. Back and forth as the situation calls for.
I started this essay talking about the experience I had of others when I could not turn their thoughts down. It was all about them wanting to be seen by me, wanting something from me, demanding something from me.
What I have noticed is that most people want to be seen, admired, loved and touched.
Because everyone else also wants that in their experience, the dynamic can quickly turn into “what can I get from this person, situation or conversation”.
When I meet a person, I become interested in their details. The way they hold themselves, any body art such as makeup and hair, facial hair, color of their skin and hair, shape of their bodies and faces, hands and feet. I am also interested in their frequency, level of awareness, expressed thoughts, etc.. But I can take all that in within a few seconds. Their thoughts might take a bit longer.
Why am I interested in people? The reason is that each person is unique in the Universe. There are no two people who are the same. And as one looks at a person, one can see a million incarnations, orchestrations and decisions that make them who and what they are in that moment. It is also true that a flower, bee, a hummingbird, a cat, a window, a sunset, an ant colony, a whisper in the wind, the boiling kettle’s promise of a nice cup of tea, or even the smell of baking, is also interesting to me as much as any person.
You can imagine, then, how fascinating it was to me to see that most people are really not interested in other people at all, except in what they can get from that other person. The thoughts go a bit like:
“I want that person to give me a job.” (Other person is wondering if they let the cat out that morning).
“Why is that person looking at me like that, are they angry at me?” (Other person is busy pulling something out of their teeth with their tongue).
“I wonder if he likes me.” (Other person is wondering about the engine in the car behind her).
“I want him to be my friend because I don’t have any friends in this new city.” (The other person is wondering what to have for lunch and if the girl he fancies is at the cafe that day.)
You probably get the idea.
So why am I interested in you becoming interested in “us” instead of “you”? Because a higher-frequency planet cannot be created with self-absorbed individuals. Most people have never been seen, heard, felt or touched. Not really. Most people have never been acknowledged and allowed to express their entirety of self in another person’s presence. And even if they did express it, that expression was never seen as the other people there were too busy trying to be seen themselves, to see anyone else.
As you do the exercise of the “Us, We and Ourselves” for the next few hours, days, weeks and months, also spend some time with another person and connect with them. See how beautiful they are, how unique, how many billions of years and choices created what you see in front of you, in their face, their thoughts, their words, their voice, their clothes, their actions and responses. Five minutes doing this for every person you know, can change their lives forever. It’s quite extraordinary.
But of course, if you do it while thinking about yourself, and if the person will return the favor, notice or even ask about you, then you are not doing it right.
In the Sex, Love and Soulmates Course, there is an exercise where we sit in a cafe or somewhere public and look at people. The exercise is designed to illustrate our egoic obsessions. Mostly, it goes like this:
You see a woman walking past, and may think, “she’s too elegant,” and we ask, “too elegant for what?” And this illustrates our agendas. The agenda of the self-absorbed ego. Maybe, “too elegant to be my friend/lover.” The thoughts might even run to, “too conceited,” ‘too arrogant,” “who does she think she is anyway?” “I’m not worthy of her friendship or love.”
All of those are based on the damaged ego. How would the exercise be reprogrammed by us? First we become aware of it. The cafe exercise is designed to illuminate the self agendas. Just becoming aware of those agendas can shift us out of our self-absorption.
Are you ready to do some of those exercises and learn to become greater than the disconnected self?
Shall we do this? Let’s do this. Yes. Let’s do it.