When the excitement of new experiences passes, then what?
Larry and I were driving home the other night after having spent a full day skiing. Well, Larry went skiing, I was watching the mountain.
As the lifts closed and he swooshed into the lodge, I felt that some of the excitement had gone off for Larry when it came to skiing. It had almost become a technical activity that was interesting but no longer amazing or exciting.
Having said that, on our drive home, he remarked that it had been the best skiing day of his entire life. And he has skied a lot.
I didn’t say anything about the feeling I had sensed from him at the end of the day, but then while driving home he volunteered that the magic and excitement he had felt about skiing in the past, was gone. It was the best day skiing because there were zero lines to the lifts, the snow was nice and fast, and he was skiing with his besties. But it wasn’t magical, wonderful, awe inspiring, bigger than life anymore.
“What does one do when the excitement and magic is absent? When the experience is no longer new and starts to become pleasant, sure, but rote?” He asked.
“That’s one of the main reasons why people die and are reborn.” I said. “To start everything fresh. To get the excitement of the newness of it all back again.”
“But are there other things we can do to get that back?” He asked. Not wanting to die and be reborn just to get the excitement and magic of skiing back.
I decided to sit with this question.
This situation is very common and I have seen it a lot. In particular, it is common among couples. Their sex life practically stops. No more romance, excitement to see each other when they have been apart, or when they wake up in the morning, no looking at the phone to see if he/she texted…
I have also seen it with people who began an exciting job or career, or studies, and after a few months or years, the whole thing is spent and they can’t get that spark back.
It is an interesting question. And I decided to sit with it because, you see, I have never experienced this. On the contrary, in my experience it has been more of the case of having to subdue my enthusiasm. Every day is filled with wonder, magic, and stunning experiences. Even though most of those experiences are repeated day after day.
I began to wonder at the dynamic behind sparks dying away from activities and relationships and I found a pattern. It appears that if a person is doing something for external stimulation, eventually that stimulation goes away. But if the person is a witness to and participant in experience, the stimulation doesn't go away.
Let’s find out how this works:
For example if you are wondering how to bring magic back into skiing, ask yourself “why am I skiing?” If the answer is “to get an adrenaline rush”, then it’s not likely to come back unless you jack up the risks. And eventually that will get old too. If it’s to compete and there is no one there to compete with, it’s not going to come back unless you find some competition. If it is to feel the snow under your skis, the wind on your face and the trees speeding past while the mountains embrace you, it’s likely that the excitement and magic will never go away, because these are the essence of the mountain. Connect with the snowy winter mountain essence and the magic will return.
Let’s look at another more common example. How do you bring the spark back into a relationship? Ask yourself why you are in the relationship. If it’s for the family and kids, you have a good “why” and will find methods to bring back the spark, like “date night” or “dancing” or couples therapies. If it’s because you still love the person, you also have a great chance of it returning to the magic relationship you started with. If it’s because you are too afraid to be alone, or because it would financially ruin you to divorce, then you don’t have much of a chance to bring that spark back. This has to do with the “why”. Fear as an inspiration never works to bring magic back into a relationship.
Find the right “why” and you will find ways to get your spark back.
Personally, I am here to live and find ways to raise the frequency of our human collective on Earth. It can’t get more exciting than that. And everything else is a treat.
During a visit To Florence, Italy' I toured a beautiful church called Holy Cross where prominent Florentines such as Rossini, Dante, Galileo and the most beloved artist, Michelangelo were buried in splendor and dignity!
All my artist life Michelangelo seemed alive - still instructing and guiding. My heart held a beat as I encountered his magnificent tomb {across from Galileo and beside Dante} and I observed the beautiful marble figures of Architecture, smiling proudly to herself because of his great achievements, Painting also exulted by his masterful style! However Sculpture appeared dismayed because "her dear son of Florence" was no more - and I came to tears. But I whispered a notion to her that all would be well, for the greats Bernini, Canova, Paul-Pruden would come in his foot steps!
As I sat on the tour bus returning to Rome that night, I remembered a curious saying "After awhile' having is not as pleasing as wanting! It is no logical - but it is often true"! But more curious. I found "the WHY" to my immediate situation in the quote by a light worker of the American Revolution Thomas Paine, "What we achieve too easy we esteem too lightly. It is dearness tat gives ALL it's value"
I still hold Michelangelo second (Beethoven is first} in the top five influences in my life.
You are a beautiful artist Inelia, and I thank you for this moment.
Inelia, your recollection about the falling leaves, and all the rest of the discussion, reminded me of a remark I once heard Byron Katie make. She's somewhat like you. She had just arrived to do The Work, as she calls it, with a large group of people. Having just gotten there, she was making some initial small talk to the gathering, and one of the things she said was how impressed she was, on the way to the venue, with all the drivers along the way: how they stayed in their lanes so nicely and didn't run into each other. This was a woman who had surely been seeing this on roads for decades, but I saw that she had been struck by it, and was delighted about it, anew—as if for the first time.